hey
has been a long time since i last updated here
a lot has happened.
today is 28 july soo yeah almost 2 months.
just found out that le crush has someone already & it kinda hurts
i didnt know it would hurt this bad
im done being disappointed
just got back from malaysia. setiap kali balik, it seems like God sent me people that would somehow corrects my goals & focus in life.
cuti ni penat. cuti raya tapi penat sangat. almost a week spent in Singapore masak lauk raya ziarah apa semua, balik malaysia balik busy dengan wedding cousin.
the attention is always on someone else. aku tanak jadi attention all the time pun but i feel like i'm always masked or overshadowed by someone else.
now i'm officially sick of hearing people talk about relationship or marriage or love.
i wasnt born for a relationship, nor a happy ending
i dont want to get hurt again. it's never worth it.
just another month here. one last exam. then a long holiday.
a long holiday to heal my heart. to find myself again. too much in a year
you know what they say "you see, all of us are broken, but it seems that some of us, are shattered".
so done with this world acting like i dont deserve a good ending.
well as a human being, i'm not a bad person pun. so why cant i deserve to be happy like other people
Tuhan bagi ada perasaan kat crush sebab Dia nak test balik betul ke aku da move on & kuat.
the answer is, Tuhan nak aku matikan rasa suka ni, Dia tak kasi aku suka orang dah.
sebab tak worth it kot. so He keeps giving me pain so i will know when to quit.
i decided that i should kill all feelings & be empty. Tuhan tahu aku tak deserve nak be happy. yep
Tuhan nak aku study jadi doktor sacrifice semua benda utk orang lain & takyah ada apa2 utk diri sendiri.
oh Tuhan. jadikan je aku empty & emotionless kalau itu yang Kau mahu.
aku takboleh percaya orang lagi dah. i am never gonna heal. or trust again. You know that.
you know how it feels when emotions are rushing in & memories come flooding back & you're writing as you're crying. well that doesnt feel good, it feels shitty.
things are not going my way at all. it just keeps hurting & disappointing me.
thus, i shall never hope or feel anything ever again.
this is why i dont look at people's eyes anymore
this is why i am not able to smile as sincere as last time
this is why i choose to avoid everyone
and they ask me why am i so distant. my fucking goodness.
it's so obvious.
He showed me that everyone else deserves to be happy, except me.
i dont feel like doing anything for anyone ever again.
i feel like things are going to change a lot after this.
fourth year is going to be different.
i cant take it if next year is going to feel like this again.
i deserve better. i deserve to be happy again. why cant He give me that
it's almost a year. cukuplah kot masa utk torture hati ni kan.
kenapa semua orang rasa win when they get to hurt me like this.
sebulan je lagi. exam then cuti. and i can run away to escape.
and maybe i dont need to come back.
has been a long time since i last updated here
a lot has happened.
today is 28 july soo yeah almost 2 months.
just found out that le crush has someone already & it kinda hurts
i didnt know it would hurt this bad
im done being disappointed
just got back from malaysia. setiap kali balik, it seems like God sent me people that would somehow corrects my goals & focus in life.
cuti ni penat. cuti raya tapi penat sangat. almost a week spent in Singapore masak lauk raya ziarah apa semua, balik malaysia balik busy dengan wedding cousin.
the attention is always on someone else. aku tanak jadi attention all the time pun but i feel like i'm always masked or overshadowed by someone else.
now i'm officially sick of hearing people talk about relationship or marriage or love.
i wasnt born for a relationship, nor a happy ending
i dont want to get hurt again. it's never worth it.
just another month here. one last exam. then a long holiday.
a long holiday to heal my heart. to find myself again. too much in a year
you know what they say "you see, all of us are broken, but it seems that some of us, are shattered".
so done with this world acting like i dont deserve a good ending.
well as a human being, i'm not a bad person pun. so why cant i deserve to be happy like other people
Tuhan bagi ada perasaan kat crush sebab Dia nak test balik betul ke aku da move on & kuat.
the answer is, Tuhan nak aku matikan rasa suka ni, Dia tak kasi aku suka orang dah.
sebab tak worth it kot. so He keeps giving me pain so i will know when to quit.
i decided that i should kill all feelings & be empty. Tuhan tahu aku tak deserve nak be happy. yep
Tuhan nak aku study jadi doktor sacrifice semua benda utk orang lain & takyah ada apa2 utk diri sendiri.
oh Tuhan. jadikan je aku empty & emotionless kalau itu yang Kau mahu.
aku takboleh percaya orang lagi dah. i am never gonna heal. or trust again. You know that.
you know how it feels when emotions are rushing in & memories come flooding back & you're writing as you're crying. well that doesnt feel good, it feels shitty.
things are not going my way at all. it just keeps hurting & disappointing me.
thus, i shall never hope or feel anything ever again.
this is why i dont look at people's eyes anymore
this is why i am not able to smile as sincere as last time
this is why i choose to avoid everyone
and they ask me why am i so distant. my fucking goodness.
it's so obvious.
He showed me that everyone else deserves to be happy, except me.
i dont feel like doing anything for anyone ever again.
i feel like things are going to change a lot after this.
fourth year is going to be different.
i cant take it if next year is going to feel like this again.
i deserve better. i deserve to be happy again. why cant He give me that
it's almost a year. cukuplah kot masa utk torture hati ni kan.
kenapa semua orang rasa win when they get to hurt me like this.
sebulan je lagi. exam then cuti. and i can run away to escape.
and maybe i dont need to come back.
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